I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
