So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
whose ass print is on the piano?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
