I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
