You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The power of my boobs compel you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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