we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
