Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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