you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
