i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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