I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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