I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
