when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
