none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
