I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
