We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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