Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
