I heard we made out
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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