I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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