He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
