i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
