Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Two words: nipple clamps
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