She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
