you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
