Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize