So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
