She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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