So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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