Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
