My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
