Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
