I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
