When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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