butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
