dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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