i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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