Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
