So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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