I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
thus making me awesome and them whores
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize