Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
