he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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