so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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