Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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