when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
