We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just high enough for therapy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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