Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
