Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
