He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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