My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
