hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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