I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
