He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
