True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
