i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
