I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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