what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
