if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
