I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Pants are for mortals
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
