I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
4 words: hood of his car
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize