I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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