We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
