her vagine was all disorganized.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
