Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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