so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
