it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
