I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
