I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
