I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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