i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
