Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
