Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
