someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize