I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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