I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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