Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
