I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
