I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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