i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize