I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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