he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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