I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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