Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
