You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
