Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
